Met up with a few friends this weekend, new and old. As everyone introduced themselves and mingled, I noticed a very strange phenomena. The conversations went something like this:
[Stu and Bob are introduced, and I back off to people watch and eavesdrop.]
Bob: Stu? Nice to meet you.
[The men grunt, slap fists, whatever men do. Or maybe it was a handshake.]
Bob: So, what do you do?
Stu: Nothing. I do nothing. [Shakes his head, looks vacantly in the distance, takes a sip of beer.]
Bob: Oh, ok.
Stu: What do you do?
Bob: Oh, uh. I do whatever. It’s whatever. [Turns away, disengages.]
Kimberly [interjecting]: What is wrong with you two? You’re both lawyers. Jesu Mio…
But this is the way of the world. Here were five people, each of them lawyers, perfectly intelligent and nice looking individuals, and none of them in a traditional lawyer job. A few people were doing contract/temp work, I call myself a writer, and one is working non-legal while setting up a solo practice. But when The Announcing of Positions segment of the program came along people started getting all shifty.
I had at Stu later.
Kimberly: What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you say you do “nothing”?
Stu: It’s nothing, Kimberly. Literally, nothing.
Kimberly: You feel the job doesn’t require your full potential.
Stu: [Snorts] No, obviously not.
Kimberly: It’s not “nothing,” Stu.
Stu disengages, so I start talking with my hands while driving.
Kimberly: I have a friend who hasn’t worked a 9-5 in ten years. Maybe fifteen. It’s pyramid scheme after pyramid scheme and he always has a new delusion about how he’s going to make it work. And he’s bringing people down with him. He’ll lose the little he has this month, or next, or in six — however long he can float. I would f’in thrilled to see him work even a pointless 9-5. That’s not “nothing.” You’re paying your rent, you’re living a good life, you’re applying to the jobs you want — you might need more but its not “nothing.”
Of course after my persuasive display, Stu caved and admitted it wasn’t “nothing.” (He’s good to tolerate me, really). But the whole thing got me thinking about the Stigma that we were talking about in the last post.
Here we had five perfectly capable, qualified attorneys, none of them working traditional lawyer jobs, and a few of them doing some serious eye-averting that made it obvious they had been Stigmatized. This is crap. Big Law stigmatizes solo and contract attorneys. Solo attorneys stigmatize big lawyers (I know I do). And back and forth it goes. Can’t people just be successful and happy, and take care of their families, without having to feel like eye-averting is in order when asked about their profession?
I am going to take my own advice, as a gesture of my sincerity. I am not going to stigmatize big lawyers. It’s going to be hard. When I see an old friend and they say they work for Shootem, Upton & Howe, I feel pity and a smug condescension. That’s not healthy. It’s not healthy for my relationship with that person, and it certainly encourages a system whereby all these people are Stigmatizing each other, and lawyers that I really like and who should feel proud about themselves have to get all disengaged and say they do “nothing” or “whatever.”
My personal motto has long been, “Own Who You Are.” Seriously. I’ve made myself tee-shirts via Cafepress so I can remind myself of it. So that’s what I’m going to suggest — own who you are.
If that means you’re in a crappy temp job, or contracting through staffing firm, or running a faltering solo practice, say it with pride. But leave out the faltering part. Every day you are learning, and growing, and moving closer toward your goals. Use your laserbeams. If you act all dejected, how are you going to make the things you want happen?
So the next time I meet up with lawyers, I want to hear you all introduce yourself loud and proud. I’m holding you to it.
Lawyer On… Kimberly
Subscribe via RSS
February 16, 2009 at 7:06 am
I have a similar outlook.
My personal motto (self-employed since 3/1991) is “I own my own life.” I acquired that perspective that from a retired diesel mechanic who told me that life changed for him when his life became important to him.
Also read Chris Locke’s first chapter of Cluetrain. “We die.”
Also Google for Steve Jobs’s 2005 commencement speech at Stanford.
And I, too, will banish the interior condescension.
@philiphodgen
February 16, 2009 at 7:25 am
Philip,
Hey, we do have similar self-mottos. I like yours, too. Mine can be fatalistic if employed by the wrong person.
Will check out those other refs.
Thanks for the comment!
Kimberly
February 16, 2009 at 10:02 am
Very insightful. Thanks for the writing this, Kimberly. I’ve always struggled when attempting to follow a “normal” career path – whether it was in the military, the law or in business. Following one’s own path many times is met with curiosity from those in the traditional career progression tracks.
After leaving the military, I tried big law, since it was the “normal” thing to do. I couldn’t stand it and left within 6 months to start my own practice and pursue other business interests. I later found that people in the firm thought I left because I couldn’t hack it. A number of other attorney friends tried to “help” me by offering to introduce me to firms looking to hire. I even had people ask if I was still doing “that solo thing” or “that little computer business” (my other professional pursuit).
The pity and curiosity caused me to begin questioning my professional decision-making processes, so I understand how your friends feel. But, as I gained more traction in my businesses and my aspirations started becoming realities, those questions quickly disappeared.
I too need to work on clearing out the sludge concerning big law lawyers, so thank you for bringing this to my attention. It’s just not healthy or productive.
February 16, 2009 at 10:28 am
Kyle,
Thank you for the comment. Also, it just occurred to me, if us solos stop stigmatizing first, it makes us “bigger” people.
Hah.
I’m a slash too — lawyer slash writer. I love being able to pursue multiple interests. It’s the first time I feel like I’m not “waiting” for something professionally-speaking.
Again, thank you. Your blog looks good and I have subscribed.
Kimberly
February 16, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Are you still selling those t-shirts? I totally want one!
February 16, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Hah! I never sold any, just made for myself. You know, like an arts and crafts project. Except with technology.
February 16, 2009 at 2:06 pm
You should totally sell them! Bet Solo Practice U could find you a market
April 4, 2009 at 10:56 am
Thanks very much for your kind and thoughtful words. I am working in document review for a huge firm. We are not even full “employees” of the firm, we’re in some kind of temp/permanent limbo with no benefits and no access to the “real attorneys”. The pay sucks ($15/hour), the work is mindless data entry, and it’s very hard to keep our heads up. Amazingly, the firm actually officially “disinvited” us from the firm Christmas party that even the janitors and other staff were invited to.
I was in top 20% of my class, one of my coworkers was second in his class, we’re both fun, professional, smart people who would love to have someone take notice of our talents and let us really dig into something “real”. When people ask me what I’m doing, I often do the shifty eye thing, mumble about data entry, and feel like I have to make excuses for myself. It brought tears to my eyes to have someone recognize the nobility of paying the bills and trying to look to the future.
Thank you,
Scout
April 9, 2009 at 6:56 am
Wow! Thank you for your kind words. That’s just terrible about the Christmas party in particular. I hope you are gutting fish in their paper shredders a la Office Space.
Keep in touch~
Kimberly